No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
