3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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