Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
