yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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