Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
