he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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