The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
