The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
