Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
