Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
