Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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