I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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