i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
