He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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