Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
