everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
