why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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