Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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