WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
