Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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