I wish I only lived at night.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
