Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
