who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
