i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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