I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
