i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
40s are totally the cure
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
