just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
