He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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