I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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