She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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