Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
