I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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