I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
