dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
