I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
