I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before