if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
everyone is single if you try hard enough
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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