I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.