i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
