he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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