saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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