I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
