Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
