How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
try to milk me bitch
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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