Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
