The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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