No stitches, just platelets and will power
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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