Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
