i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
