Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
