he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just had sex bonerless
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
