I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
