Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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