he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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