All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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