Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
