So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
