Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
