the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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