I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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