Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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