i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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