It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
