last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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