Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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