here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Mom said you looked used
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
