Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
