these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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