i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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