Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
