he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
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And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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