Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
