I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
