so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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