Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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