I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
