I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
