Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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